Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
