I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have fence marks all over my body
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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