I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
