Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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