So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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