Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
