I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why do cheetos always look like penises
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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