He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize