i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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