How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
