it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
