I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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