Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
