She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
