I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
