God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
