Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
