THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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