Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
