I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
