I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
