she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Green mimosas i think yes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
