if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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