did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
