you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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