He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
