I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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