I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
