It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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