if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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