i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
