Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
