I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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