thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
