Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
