Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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