ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
