how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
