i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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