okay pat passed out under dana's car
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
