This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
