Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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