I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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