when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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