All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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