Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize