I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
