im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
