STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
