I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize