butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize