I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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