She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
