I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
