You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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