Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
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