you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
