Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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