This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
