I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
