if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
