I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
