38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
They have beer where we have blood.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
