New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
