david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
