Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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