I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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