I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize