yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
