please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize