If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
bring money and cleavage
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
