maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
