There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
