do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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