The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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