I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
